Moving To College — Moving To A Senior Community — Similar Or Not?

Moving To College — Moving To A Senior Community — Similar Or Not?
By:  Ann Hutchens
Creating Divine Order

Friday, September 20, 2013

One of Creating Divine Order’s former clients stated, “I hate moving into an institution.” I was a little surprised because she was moving into an independent community with a beautiful campus, a chef who had won awards in local cuisine contests and an open schedule. Residents could choose to participate in as few or many the available activities. Meals were provided but she could choose to eat in her apartment. Still she saw her move as one in which she lost her independence. Another client was moving from a community which has a reputation for being warm with friendly resident but the major reason she chose to move was because she felt unwelcome in the dining room. “’ They have cliques and there never is a place for me when I ask to sit with them.’” A more recent widow, who is more extroverted by nature, stated, “In one way I don’t want to move but I don’t want to eat dinner alone anymore.” Some people have planned for years to make that move but feel sadness at leaving the home in which their children grew up.

College students relocating to a campus and into dorms or apartments may hold these feelings also. It’s a huge step to move out of the family home. Shared questions across generations include: When are mealtimes? With whom will I sit? “Where’s the nearest beauty salon? Where are the post boxes? Where’s the snack bar — laundry room? Where’s the nearest grocery store? I’ve heard there’s a hall monitor – is that necessary? Is there a church or synagogue nearby? Will my health insurance cover doctors there?” Some are concerned with practical, everyday needs. Many have underlying emotional and social issues.

When teaching seminars on relocation transition stress issues in the older years I use this comparison and explore the process of feeling at home in the new location. It’s a lot of work to move and then there’s the business of finding the way around the new community. Hands open and close the paper map until it wears out. Smart phone map “apps” receive countless hits. The brain tracks our activities and creates a new cognitive map. Concurrently feelings are processed. “Who is being left behind? What will be missed? “Why can’t I find my way? Will I ever?” For people with disabilities this is not an easy accomplishment; with memory loss more visual reminders are needed. Tactical assistance is required for the visually impaired. Eventually we are able to find our way to the grocery store, classrooms, theaters, chapel, health services and the gym, our favorite restaurants, bus stop or fast food hang outs. No longer do we even seem to have to think; we just walk or drive there and return home. The new cognitive map is embedded in our brain and we feel at home.

So many similarities! The differences? Does the person in transition believe that he or she is moving for a purpose and that there is a promising future? For people in the older adult years that belief may be lacking yet some would say that the best is yet to come. The cliques may exist in both college or senior settings yet the secure person will thrive. Hours may be spent doing things that bring growth to both.